


Texts From Disney

by afterandalasia



Series: afterandalasia's Manips [11]
Category: Disney - All Media Types
Genre: Alcohol, Crack, Drug Use, F/F, F/M, Fanart, Inappropriate Humor, M/M, Manip, Multi, Originally Posted on Tumblr, Sexual Content, Sexual Humor, Texts From Last Night
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-22
Updated: 2019-05-05
Packaged: 2020-01-16 02:30:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 22
Words: 9,738
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18512059
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/afterandalasia/pseuds/afterandalasia
Summary: Disney animated movies meet Texts From Last Night.Dirty, inappropriate humour, with all of your Disney favourites.Suggested viewing chapter by chapter due to number of images.Table of Contentsin Chapter One.(Posting a film per chapter, one at a time.)





	1. Table of Contents

**Author's Note:**

> This is a sort of backup from texts-from-disney, my former Tumblr account. To be honest, it was long dead before the Tumblr purge, due to my interests in fandom shifting, due to my time decreasing, and due to the changing fannish expectations on Tumblr. These images were largely created between 2011 and 2014.
> 
> Due to the nature of AO3 posting, I can't put up very detailed warnings on individual pictures, so blanket warnings apply to the entire work. These include:  
> \- Smoking, use of alcohol, and use of drugs both legal and illegal;  
> \- Swearing, some very imaginative;  
> \- Het, slash, femslash, poly, and plenty of unrequited attraction; age differences; cheating;  
> \- Sex, including underage sex, threesomes and moresomes, and any number of specific sex acts;  
> \- References to violence and fights; references to theft, and to breaking and entering;  
> \- Jokes which may be offensive, including references to penis size, weight, dwarfism [esp the Snow White chapter] and sexuality.
> 
>  **Arranged one movie per chapter** , with chapters at the end for crossovers.
> 
> Texts from [Texts From Last Night](http://www.textsfromlastnight.com/). Images (mostly) from [Animation Screencaps](https://animationscreencaps.com/), formerly Disney Screencaps.

  1. Table of Contents
  2. Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs (1937)
  3. Fantasia (1940)
  4. Pinocchio (1940)
  5. Bambi (1941)
  6. Cinderella (1950)
  7. Alice in Wonderland (1951)
  8. Peter Pan (1953)
  9. The Lady and the Tramp (1955)
  10. Sleeping Beauty (1959)
  11. 101 Dalmatians (1961)
  12. The Sword in the Stone (1963)
  13. Mary Poppins (1964)
  14. The Jungle Book (1967)
  15. The Aristocats (1970)
  16. Robin Hood (1973)
  17. The Rescuers (1977)
  18. The Black Cauldron (1983)
  19. The Great Mouse Detective (1987)
  20. Who Framed Roger Rabbit? (1987)
  21. The Little Mermaid (1989) (Pictures 1 to 50.)
  22. The Little Mermaid (1989) (Pictures 51 to 95.)




	2. Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs (1937)

[Image: Snow White, lying as if dead in her coffin, as the Prince kneels beside her]

(734) I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse.

* * *

[Image: Snow White holding up a pie.]

(716): I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.

* * *

 

[First image: Snow White, sitting up in bed and leaning forward to speak excitedly.]

(952): MIDGETS

[Second image: The Evil Queen, looking alarmed.]

(847): ????

* * *

 

[First image: Grumpy, folding his arms and scowling.]

(317): You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang.

[Second image: Snow White, holding bedsheets up to her chest and looking scandalised.]

* * *

 

[Image: Snow White holding an apple and smiling as she looks offscreen.]

(617): If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno

* * *

 

[Image: Grumpy, blowing a kiss to Snow White as she smiles.]

(937): Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"

* * *

 

[First image: Snow White, running into the woods.]

(516): I want to play Lord of the Rings tonight.

[Second image: Snow White, in the woods, snagged on branches.]

And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods

[Third image: Snow White hanging from a vine off the side of a cliff.]

or climbing shit

[Fourth image: Snow White talking to all of the dwarfs.]

I want all of you there. You are my fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.

* * *

 

[Image: Snow White opening the door to the dwarfs' house and peering in.]

(401): i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.

* * *

 

[First image: Snow White, screaming, arms thrown wide.]

(969): You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!"

[Second image: Snow White, face down on the ground, as a rabbit looks concerned.]

Then fell on your face.

[Third image: Doc, smiling, making to clasp his hands together.]

How is your nose today, doll?

* * *

 

[Image: Snow White, lying in her glass coffin.]

(302): Just to update you, I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate.

* * *

 

[Image: Snow White, broom in hand, smiling and dancing in the kitchen.]

(+44): She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen

* * *

 

[Image: Snow White, sitting with her hands on her knees, smiling.]

(919): It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.

* * *

 

[Image: Snow White, sitting on the ground, talking to a deer.]

(850): Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model

* * *

 

[Image: Doc, Sneezy, Sleepy, Happy and Bashful, wrestling with Grumpy.]

(978): It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.

* * *

 

[Image: Snow White lying in her coffin, glass removed. The Prince leans down over her.]

(330): Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.

* * *

 

[Image: Snow White lying in her coffin, glass removed. The Prince leans down over her.]

(240): She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.

* * *

 

[Image: Snow White, stretching and rubbing her face as she awakes.]

(847): I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.

* * *

 

[Image: Snow White, sitting up from her coffin, and smiling in surprise down at the Prince.]

(910): I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.

* * *

 

[Image: Snow White, sitting in bed with her hands around her knees, pointing and counting.]

(306): She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.

* * *

 

[First image: Snow White entering the door of the dwarfs' house.]

(774): i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...

[Second image: Six of the dwarfs leaning forwards and smiling eagerly.]

* * *

 

[Image: Snow White sitting up from her coffin, and smiling in surprise down at the Prince.]

(404): I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave

* * *

 

[Image: Snow White, falling to the ground in fear, as enormous eyes loom from blackness behind her.]

(406): So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?

* * *

 

[Image: Snow White sitting up from her coffin, and smiling in surprise down at the Prince.]

(610): You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.

* * *

 

[Image: Snow White cocking her head to the side.]

(631): Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?

* * *

 

[Image: Snow White sitting up from her coffin, and smiling in surprise down at the Prince.]

(847): I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.

* * *

 

[Image: The Evil Queen, flourishing her cape at the (offscreen) Magic Mirror.]

(603): Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.

* * *

 

[Image: Dopey playing the drums.]

(315): Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?

* * *

 

[Image: The Prince talking to Snow White at the well. Snow White looks shocked.]

(347): you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.

* * *

 

[Image: Snow White singing into the well.]

(310): Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.

* * *

 

[Image: The Prince helping Snow White onto his horse, while the dwarfs wave them off.]

(845): I picked her up from our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.

* * *

 

[Image: Snow White, turning away to run towards the woods.]

(713): I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.


	3. Fantasia (1940)

[Image: One of the ostriches from _Dance of the Hours_ , having swallowed something large and round.]

(785): It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...

* * *

 

[Image: Hyacinth Hippo from  _Dance of the Hours_ , looking flirtatious. Ben Ali Gator is draped over her stomach and panting.]

(630): My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.


	4. Pinocchio (1940)

[Image: Pinocchio, sitting on the table with Jiminy Cricket at his feet. The Blue Fairy smiles down at both of them.]

(612): the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."

* * *

 

[First image: Pinocchio, looking out of the bars of his cage.]

(712): I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.

[Second image: Jiminy Cricket, holding his hat to his chest and beaming.]

(402): I'm honored.


	5. Bambi (1941)

[Image: Flower, sitting in a swathe of flowers, talking wistfully.]

(501): This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.

* * *

 

[Image: Young Bambi, spreadeagled on the ice.]

(630): just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea


	6. Cinderella (1950)

[Image: Cinderella, twirling, in her new silver gown.]

(410): I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.

* * *

 

[Image: Cinderella, lying in bed with her arm over her face.]

(403): This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.

* * *

 

[First image: Cinderella, looking up at Prince Charming and holding his hands.]

(813): You're always so late

[Second image: Prince Charming, speaking.]

and I'm always so drunk.

* * *

 

[Image: Cinderella, in her torn dress, sitting in the trees with Major the horse and Bruno the dog.]

(314): I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.

* * *

 

[Note: This was a suggested image/text combo.]

[First image: Cinderella, kneeling and looking up with a weary expression.]

(202): Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me.

[Second image: Perla the mouse, brandishing a needle and grinning.]

I learned that the hard way.

* * *

 

[Image: Cinderella, twirling in her new silver gown.]

(917): I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat

* * *

 

[First image: Cinderella's windows opened to the sunrise, two of the birds on the windowsill.]

(805): It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping its head off outside.

[Second image: Cinderella sitting up in bed and making a threatening gesture with a pillow.]

GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!

* * *

 

[Image: Cinderella, propping herself up on her elbow in bed.]

(704): I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.

* * *

 

[Image: Cinderella, twirling in her new silver gown.]

(859): I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven the sole purpose of supporting my junk.

* * *

 

[First image: Cinderella, in the ripped remains of her gown, smiling.]

(415): Fuck yeah GAYNESS

[Second image: Cinderella as her silver dress is formed, in a swirl of silver sparkles.]

(415): *explodes into glitter*

* * *

 

[Image: Prince Charming and Cinderella, kissing, as the clock shows midnight behind them.]

(973): but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days

* * *

 

[Image: Cinderella, sitting in a chair with her foot extended, while the Grand Duke kneels to put on her glass slipper.]

(208): Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?

* * *

 

[First image: Cinderella entering the palace, looking uncertain.]

(517): Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on.

[Second image: The Fairy Godmother, raising a hand.]

(812): Nope

* * *

 

[Two images: Cinderella, sitting up in bed and speaking.]

(908): Can you help me get ready, before work?

I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.

* * *

 

[Image: Cinderella, in her silver gown.]

(617): I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.

* * *

 

[Image: Cinderella, leaning on the sill of her window late at night.]

(907): I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?

* * *

 

[First image: Cinderella, sitting down, offering up the second glass slipper with a smile.]

(641): Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe.. I think he's had enough..

[Second image: The Grand Duke, holding up the glass slipper and looking delighted.]

* * *

 

[First image: Cinderella pulling away from Prince Charming, as the clock strikes midnight behind them.]

(817): I HAVE to find her.

[Second image: Prince Charming, speaking.]

I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?

* * *

 

[Three images: The Fairy Godmother, smiling, gesturing with her hands, and looking upwards.]

(+61): BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON

(+61): SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE

(+61): THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.

* * *

 

[First image: Prince Charming, rising from a bow.]

(949): just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or i will"

[Second image: Drizella and Anastasia, curtseying.]

* * *

 

[First image: Prince Charming, windswept, on the deck of a ship.]

(813): I'm fucking your sister right now.

[Second image: Anastasia Tremaine, wide-eyed.]

(1-813): You motherfucker

[Third image: Prince Charming, windswept, on the deck of a ship.]

(813): She's next.

* * *

 

[First image: Cinderella, in silver gown and glass shoes, in front of her carriage, driver and footman. She points down at one glittering shoe.]

(812): Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?

[Second image: The Fairy Godmother, holding out a hand and looking uncertain.]

(1-812): You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?

* * *

 

[Image: Cinderella as her silver dress is formed, in a swirl of silver sparkles.]

(407): It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.

* * *

 

[Image: Prince Charming, about to pick Cinderella up, his face level with her chest.]

(860): Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate.

(401): Well how do you think I feel

(860): fair enough

* * *

 

[Image: Cinderella, sitting up in bed.]

(678): Gotta get new sheets... I fucked the satin off mine.

* * *

 

[Image: Cinderella, behind her dressing screen, flinging off her nightgown.]

(914): just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrrow

* * *

 

[Image: Cinderella; looking up from crying into the Fairy Godmother's lap, while the Fairy Godmother smiles down at her.]

(724): I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"

(239): I am the fairy godmother of the drink.

* * *

 

[Image: Cinderella, gesturing to her ripped pink gown.]

(908): do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?

* * *

 

[Image: Cinderella as seen in Cinderella II, sitting where she has fallen on the floor in a fancy dress with a book having landed on her head.]

(413): i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"

* * *

 

[Image: Cinderella smiling up at Prince Charming as they dance together.]

(519): and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.

* * *

 

[Image: Cinderella, looking down at the ragged remains of her pink dress.]

(630): I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt

* * *

 

[Image: Cinderella, twirling in her new silver gown.]

(559): I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great

* * *

 

[Image: Anastasia, brandishing the Fairy Godmother's wand.]

(610): My vibrator challenges you to a duel.

* * *

 

[Image: Prince Charming and Cinderella, about to kiss, as the clock reaches midnight behind them.]

(910): I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore

* * *

 

[Image: Cinderella, making her bed.]

(860): Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?

* * *

 

[Image: Cinderella picking up her pink dress and smiling.]

(507): I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)

* * *

 

[Image: Cinderella, crying into the Fairy Godmother's lap.]

(317): Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.

* * *

 

[Image: Cinderella, sitting in a chair with her foot extended, while the Grand Duke kneels to put on her glass slipper.]

(336): But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.

* * *

 

[Image: Prince Charming, about to pick Cinderella up, his face level with her chest.]

(319): Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?

* * *

 

[Image: Cinderella, smiling up at Prince Charming as they dance together.]

(845): Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.

* * *

 

[Image: Cinderella entering the palace, looking uncertain.]

(905): Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.

* * *

 

[Image: Prince Charming, surrounded by a cluster of women.]

(914): He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?

* * *

 

[First image: Cinderella, looking unimpressed.]

(610): Look, I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.

[Second image: Lady Tremaine, eyes narrowed angrily.]

* * *

 

[Image: Cinderella, getting out of bed with an unimpressed expression.]

(571): the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets

* * *

 

[Image: Cinderella, in bed, making as if to roll over.]

(919): Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.

* * *

 

[Image: Cinderella, smiling up at Prince Charming as they dance together.]

(415): I'll probably hate you when I'm sober.

* * *

 

[Image: The Grand Duke, wincing, as the King rests a sword on his shoulder.]

(984): i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.

* * *

 

[Image: Drizella and Anastasia, in nightgowns.]

(919): I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.

* * *

 

[Image: Cinderella, in bed, smiling slyly.]

(203): I don't know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex

* * *

 

[Image: Anastasia and Drizella in their ballgowns. Drizella speaks, while Anastasia looks shocked.]

(817): just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child

* * *

 

[Image: Cinderella, smiling up at Prince Charming as they dance together.]

(541): Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.

* * *

 

[Image: Cinderella, kneeling on the floor and wringing out a cloth into a bucket.]

(503): I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.

* * *

 

[Image: Lady Tremaine, smirking.]

(716): I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.

* * *

 

[Image: Prince Charming smiling down at Cinderella as they dance together.]

(978): She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo

* * *

 

[Image: Cinderella, behind her dressing screen, flinging off her nightgown.]

(757): I won't be sarcastic... just naked

* * *

 

[Text suggestion.]

[Image: Cinderella, behind her dressing screen, flinging off her nightgown.]

(706): I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...

* * *

 

[Image: Prince Charming, smiling.]

(917): I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.


	7. Alice in Wonderland (1951)

[Image: Alice at the tea party with the Mad Hatter and the March Hare.]

(254): Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.

* * *

 

[Image: Alice, trying to pour tea from a teapot with no spout.]

(415): Come over, we're having a tea party. And by tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.

* * *

 

[Image: Alice pulling back curtains to reveal a talking doorknob.]

(727): Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.


	8. Peter Pan (1953)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Considering this chapter has the Peter Pan characters but retains the usual TFLN content, it may be considered particularly inappropriate. Heads up.

 

[Image: Peter Pan, brandishing a rapier.]

(425): UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD

* * *

 

 

[First image: The Neverland mermaids, sitting up and waving.]

[Second image: Wendy clasping her hands together and looking delighted.]

(202): She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.

* * *

 

[First image: Wendy sitting, arms crossed and nose in the air. Peter is behind her, wearing a chief's headdress and speaking.]

(860): You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island

[Second image: Wendy leaning in and looking interested.]

(1-860): Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then

* * *

 

[Image: One of the Neverland mermaids, reclining on a rock.]

(281): ...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.

* * *

 

[Three images: George Darling, gesticulating and looking around.]

(360): Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on the roof??? Mary?? Why is the dog wearing my pants

* * *

 

[Image: Captain James Hook, looking thoughtful.]

(859): Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.

* * *

 

[Image: Peter Pan, flying, arms spread wide and grinning.]

(278): Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.

* * *

 

[Image: Peter Pan, about to spring off the mast, pointing offscreen with his thumb and smiling.]

(916): I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.

* * *

 

[Image: Peter Pan, hat pulled down, knife in his mouth, with his thumbs to his ears and waggling his fingers.]

(315): Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry.

* * *

 

[Image: Tinker Bell looking in alarm down at her reflection in the mirror.]

(832): I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.

* * *

 

[Image: John, looking sad, with Wendy cupping his cheek.]

(720): Can we agree to not tell mom about this?

(303): This isn't even the most disappointing thing i know about you.

* * *

 

[Image: Peter Pan recoiling as Wendy attempts to kiss him.]

(914): All I wanted as a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.

* * *

 

[Image: Peter Pan, looking in shock at Tinker Bell.]

(814): Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?

* * *

 

[Image: Peter Pan, standing on one foot and trying to hold his shadow on. Wendy stands near him with a bar of soap in hand.]

(1-415): What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?

(415): Irish Spring?

* * *

 

[Image: Wendy, smiling, as fairy dust falls over her.]

(610): It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.

* * *

 

[Image: The pirates of the Jolly Roger, forming a tunnel of flags leading to Smee and Hook.]

(617): i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed


	9. The Lady and the Tramp (1955)

[First image: Trusty, in the garden.]

(541): Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?

[Second image: Lady, outside Tony's Restaurant.]

(1-541): CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING

* * *

 

[Image: Lady and Tramp, outside Tony's, with one meatball left on the plate between them.]

(909): Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?

* * *

 

[Image: Lady looking alarmed as Peg leans in to her.]

(908): was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.

* * *

 

[Image: Lady, nose primly in the air.]

(510): I expect to be treated like a lady. Even if you're sticking it in my ass.


	10. Sleeping Beauty (1959)

[Image: Maleficent, at the christening, smirking.]

(360): You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.

* * *

 

[Image: Maleficent, at the christening, gesturing with one hand.]

(281): If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.

* * *

 

[Image: Phillip, tied up and gagged, while Maleficent looms over him with a candle.]

(847): There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer

* * *

 

[First image: Flora, Fauna and Merryweather, looking concerned.]

(260): Are you dead

[Second image: Aurora, collapsed on the floor.]

(1-260): Yes

[Third image: Flora, Fauna and Merryweather clustering around the collapsed Aurora.]

(260): Oh man

* * *

 

[First image: Maleficent, smiling.]

(760): can you eat me out for old times sake

[Second image: Aurora, smiling slyly over her shoulder.]

(951): only for old times sake

* * *

 

[Image: Aurora, collapsed on the floor.]

(515): Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?

* * *

 

[Image: Aurora crying on her bed.]

(912): I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos

* * *

 

[Image: Aurora, looking coy.]

(860): I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies

* * *

 

[Image: Aurora, collapsed on the floor.]

(914): my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.

* * *

 

[Image: Aurora, waking up.]

(406): Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.

* * *

 

[Image: Phillip, tied up and gagged, while Maleficent smirks at him.]

(320): I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.

* * *

 

[First Image: Maleficent at the christening, hands on her staff, looking derisive.]

(905): Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle

[Second image: Stefan looking angry and Leah looking shocked.]

* * *

 

[Image: Aurora, waking up.]

(720): To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours

* * *

 

[Image: Aurora, talking agitatedly and gesticulating.]

(757): you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.

* * *

 

[Image: Phillip, sword in hand as the fairies enchant it.]

(508): dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament

* * *

 

[Image: Aurora turning away, with her nose in the air, from a hopeful-looking Phillip.]

(715): You're barking up the wrong lesbian

* * *

 

[Image: Aurora looking surprised at Phillip, in the forest.]

(860): Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.

* * *

 

[First image: Aurora turning away, with her nose in the air, from a hopeful-looking Phillip.]

(443): so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...

[Second image: Aurora, collapsed on the floor.]

I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>

* * *

 

[First image: Maleficent, at the christening, one finger raised as she speaks.]

(740): I have a surprise for you guys.

[Second image: Leah cradling Aurora, while Stefan looks stern.]

(937): What is it?

[Third image: Maleficent at the christening, turning to speak.]

(740): A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS

* * *

 

[First image: Phillip, tied up and gagged, while Maleficent smirks at him.]

(270): Her idea of kinky involved a tazer

[Second image: King Hubert.]

(850): wtf?

[Third image: Phillip, adjusting his hat outside the cottage.]

(270): I'm going back tonight

* * *

 

[First image: Stefan and Leah, looking shocked.]

(202): Is it true that if I say your name three times,

[Second image: Maleficent appearing at the christening, amid green fire.]

you'll appear and whore everything up?

* * *

 

[First image: Aurora, glancing back over her shoulder.]

(484): Ask politely.

[Second image: Phillip, taking Aurora's hand in the forest.]

(610): Fine. Can I please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?

[Third image: Aurora, smiling.]

(484): Thats good enough.

* * *

 

[First image: Flora, at the christening, smiling.]

(860): This is not a costume party I'm just wearing fairy wings.

[Second image: Maleficent, at the christening, raising a hand.]

(540): Of course you are.

* * *

 

[First image: Maleficent, in dragon form, as Phillip throws a sword at her.]

(440): So you threw a sword at me last night

[Second image: Phillip, holding a sword, as the fairies enchant it.]

(419): I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.

* * *

 

[Image: Aurora, looking surprised as Phillip joins her dance in the woods.]

(480): Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.

* * *

 

[Image: Flora, looking happily at her lopsided, melting cake.]

(214): Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.

* * *

 

[Image: Phillip and Samson looking out from behind a tree.]

(973): Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.

* * *

 

[Image: Aurora, in the forest, talking to an owl.]

(919): OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO

* * *

 

[Aurora, in the forest, hand on a tree and talking to two small birds.]

(781): walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this

* * *

 

[Image: Aurora sitting in the forest, hand to her chest, speaking with a smile to various animals.]

(801): I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me

* * *

 

[Image: Aurora, face in her hands, as Flora and Fauna step in to try to comfort her.]

(910): I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers

* * *

 

[Image: Phillip peering out from behind a tree.]

(973): i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house

* * *

 

[Image: Aurora, looking confused, as Flora and Merryweather make to usher her out of the house.]

(936): what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?

* * *

 

[Image: Aurora, collapsed on the floor.]

(713): Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.

* * *

 

[Image: Phillip, hacking through brambles with a sword.]

(740): There are thorn wounds on my balls. don't ever question my dedication to party again

* * *

 

[Image: Aurora, collapsed on the floor.]

(804): Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry

* * *

 

[Image: Flora, smiling as she attempts to bake.]

(716): It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.

* * *

 

[Image: Aurora and Phillip, walking hand-in-hand through the forest.]

(816): I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person

* * *

 

[Image: Aurora looking shocked as Phillip joins her dance.]

(717): how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way

(1-717): you don't.

* * *

 

[Image: Aurora, hands clasped together, smiling.]

(540): my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.

* * *

 

[Image: Aurora, collapsed on the floor.]

(854): i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore

* * *

 

[Image: Aurora and Phillip, walking hand-in-hand through the forest.]

(419): Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods

* * *

 

[Image: Flora showing her cookbook to the ingredients.]

(724): You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.

* * *

 

[Image: Aurora, visibly distressed, slipping out of the arms of Flora and Fauna.]

(707): Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.

* * *

 

[Image: Phillip, sitting in chains in Maleficent's dungeon.]

(931): I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers

* * *

 

[Image: Aurora looking over her shoulder with a coy smile.]

(425): i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.

* * *

 

[Image: Phillip, tied up and gagged, while Maleficent looms over him with a candle.]

(513): That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber

* * *

 

[Image: Aurora, waking up.]

(661): the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.

* * *

 

[Image: Aurora, walking towards the enchanted spindle.]

(904): it glows, i had to have it.

* * *

 

[Image: Aurora, collapsed on the floor.]

(978): The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous


	11. 101 Dalmatians (1961)

[Image: Anita looking up from her book in the park.]

(914): Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.

* * *

 

[FIrst image: Roger, raising a hand and looking stern.]

(510): I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6am in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.

[Second image: Anita, sitting bedraggled in the pond.]

(707): The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.

* * *

 

[Image: Anita looking up from her book in the park.]

(330): just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.

* * *

 

[Image: Roger dropping to his knees to grab Pongo by the collar.]

(404): I called a dog 'Band Aid' I think that's his name now

* * *

 

[Image: Cruella de Vil, laughing.]

(858): I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that

* * *

 

[Image: Cruella de Vil, in her fur coat, looking angrily at her fountain pen with a chequebook in her other hand.]

(519): she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems

* * *

 

[Image; Cruella de Vil, looking alarmed.]

(337): I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.

* * *

 

[Image: Roger, smiling, leaning down from the stairs to talk to Anita.]

(717): well in DOG beers, i've only had one

* * *

 

[Image: Roger and Anita, dancing, with Roger dipping Anita. Pongo watches them, play-bowing.]

(361): After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.

* * *

 

[Image: Pongo and Perdita, outside the church where Roger and Anita are getting married.]

(603): im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too

* * *

 

[Image: Cruella de Vil, grinning, raising a hand.]

(902): Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.


	12. The Sword in the Stone (1963)

[Image: Merlin from Sword in the Stone, raising a finger.]

(732): We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard

* * *

 

[Image: Arthur "Wart" Pendragon, sitting on the throne, looking surprised.]

(+44) HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER


	13. Mary Poppins (1964)

[First image: George Banks, looking shocked.]

(860): How drunk are you??

[Second image: Mary Poppins, slightly sooty, but smiling.]

(732): I'm flawless.


	14. The Jungle Book (1967)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, the image is from Jungle Book 2, but here is easier for sorting purposes.

[Image: Shanti, in the forest and holding a torch, eyes swirling with Kaa's hypnotism and jaw slack.]

(403): I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls


	15. The Aristocats (1970)

[Image: Berlioz, smiling dreamily as he paws the piano.]

(205): Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.

* * *

 

[First image: Adelaide Bonfamille, smiling as she pets Duchess.]

(859): Reasons why I love cats more than people:

[Second image: Adelaide, still petting Duchess, speaking.]

1\. They're not fucking people.


	16. Robin Hood (1973)

[Image: Robin Hood and Maid Marian, exiting the church, newly married.]

(256): Good news my life of crime finally paid off

* * *

 

[Image: Robin, disguised as a stork in a hat, fake beak and large coat, leaning on the fence and looking longingly at Marian as she readies to give him the golden arrow.]

(512): So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.

* * *

 

[Image: Friar Tuck, talking with obvious frustration to Robin.]

(+44): Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex

* * *

 

[First image: Robin, disguised as a fortuneteller, looking coyly over the top of the crystal ball.]

(718): I can see the future and your future is full of penis

[Second image: Prince John, looking unconvinced and a little disgusted at the crystal ball.]

* * *

 

[First image: The castle, prepared for the Archery Tournament.]

[Second image: Robin, standing on a table, preparing his bow and arrow.]

(403): I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons.

[Third image: Robin, still on the table, gesticulating.]

Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.

[Fourth image: Little John and Friar Tuck, looking at each other with concern.]

* * *

 

[Image: Robin removing an arrow from his hat and using it to gesticulate.]

(336): I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist

* * *

 

[Image: Little John, peering out from behind laundry with a grin.]

(770): separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.

* * *

 

[Image: Robin, standing in a tree with an arrow through his hat.]

(714): Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear... And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.

* * *

 

[Image: Robin, standing in a tree with an arrow through his hat.]

(603): Just say its a British thing. They wont know its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.

* * *

 

[Image: Robin Hood, disguised as a stork for the archery competition, leaning in to speak to Marian.]

(613): Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.

* * *

 

 

[First image: Robin, balancing an arrow upright on his fingertip.]

(818) I'm like cupid

[Second image: Little John, looking unimpressed, scratching his ear with an arrow.]

(1-818): You're a whore with a bow and arrow


	17. The Rescuers (1977)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it's The Rescuers Down Under hush don't tell

[Image: Jake removing his hat to greet Bianca.]

(734): I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.


	18. The Black Cauldron (1983)

[Image: Taran and Hen Wen, covered in mud. Taran is shouting.]

(310): Swine flu. Run for my life!


	19. The Great Mouse Detective (1987)

[Image: Basil, looking delighted as he talks to Dawson.]

(970): Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.

* * *

 

[Image: Basil, turning to Watson and pointing with a magnifying glass.]

(832): I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?

* * *

 

[First image: Ratigan bursting through a door and beaming widely.]

(480): Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?

[Second image: Olivia, smiling.]

(774): Someone just got laid.

* * *

 

[Image: Mrs. Judson, surrounded by an explosion of feathers.]

(917): did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?

[Second image: Dawson, looking round.]

(914): you mean faeutihaers?

* * *

 

[First image: Ratigan, hands over his eyes, pulling a face.]

(612): This is worse that I thought.

[Second image: Basil, sitting sideways in his chair, playing the violin.]

He's playing violin for me.

* * *

 

[Image: Basil, talking grimly as he lights his pipe.]

(+44): No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".

* * *

 

[Image: Dawson looking concerned as Basil shows him the result of an experiment.]

(419): Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.

* * *

 

[Image: Basil, looking up with an amused expression.]

(904): i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school

* * *

 

[Image: Dawson, in disguise as a docker, on stage with the two pink-gowned burlesque dancers.]

(720): we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons

* * *

 

[Image: Ratigan, beaming, leaning over Basil. Basil is tied to a mousetrap and looks alarmed.]

(315): idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.


	20. Who Framed Roger Rabbit? (1987)

[Image: Jessica Rabbit, hands on hips, talking angrily to Eddie.]

(647:) My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.

* * *

 

[Image: Jessica Rabbit.]

(518): I can't help that I bring out the sex in people

* * *

 

[Image: Jessica Rabbit, pressed back against a wall as she sings.]

(703): I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.

* * *

 

[Gif: Jessica Rabbit, sliding down a wall as she sings.]

(314): I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.

* * *

 

[Image: Jessica Rabbit, slinking forwards from behind the curtains.]

(202): I'm wearing red that night.

(301): Noted, what shade?

(202): Whore.

* * *

 

[Image: Jessica Rabbit, pointing a gun.]

(402): Are you trying to threaten my boobs?

* * *

 

[Image: Jessica Rabbit, slapping Eddie.]

(503): Rule of thumb: if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.

* * *

 

[Image: Jessica, sitting on Eddie's lap and pushing his hat over his face.]

(617): shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick

* * *

 

[Image: Jessica Rabbit, backlit, smiling coyly.]

(+61): As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts

* * *

 

[Image: Eddie, looking stunned at Jessica as she slides into his lap.]

(740): you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god

* * *

 

[Image: Jessica, hands on Eddie's shoulders, pressing herself against him.]

(304): I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face

* * *

 

[Image: Jessica, on stage, hands on hips.]

(412): I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.

* * *

[Image: Jessica Rabbit, backlit, smiling coyly.]

(917): She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism and mild moral ambiguity.


	21. The Little Mermaid (1989) {Part 1/2}

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Limiting chapters to fifty images each means that this is getting split in two!

[First image: Vanessa squatting down in her wedding dress, fists clenched.]

(919): The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.

[Second image: Vanessa bursting into her Ursula form.]

(1-919): and you succeeded.

* * *

 

[First image: Eric, looking gormless.]

(314): Someone's got a whale tail.

(1-314) A thong is hanging out?

[Second image: Ursula smirking over her shoulder as she grabs Ariel and drags her away.]

(314): No, a fatty following them

* * *

 

[Image: Ariel and Eric in the horsedrawn carriage. Ariel grips the reins, beaming, while Eric sits on the floor with ruffled hair and a shocked expression.]

(+61): I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.

* * *

 

[Image: Ariel, in the bathtub, blowing bubbles into the air.]

(603): Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?

* * *

 

[Image: Ariel struggling to stand up.]

(954): it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.

* * *

 

[Image: Vanessa laying her head on Eric's shoulder and smirking up at him.]

(708): You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.

* * *

 

[Image: Ariel leaning on the shoulder of the statue of Eric, smiling dreamily.]

(978): Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.

* * *

 

[Image: Ariel and Flounder, as seen distantly through Scuttle's telescope.]

(908): She work me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.

* * *

 

[Image: Ariel, grinning manicly and combing her hair with a fork.]

(519): Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.

* * *

 

[Image: Ariel and Eric from The Little Mermaid II, about to kiss in the ocean.]

(847): Pappa wants mamma naked

* * *

 

[Image: Eric, lying on the beach with his eyes closed, while Ariel leans over him.]

(714): She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.

* * *

 

[Image: Vanessa, climbing up onto her dressing table.]

(336): You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.

* * *

 

[Image: Vanessa, bare from the shoulders up, holding something offscreen and looking at it.]

(607): I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.

* * *

 

[Image: Ariel, looking up with a smile.]

(530): That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.

* * *

 

[Image: Ariel, in the bath.]

(864): I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.

* * *

 

[Image: Ariel peering round a pillar towards Eric and Vanessa, looking shocked.]

(812): after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..

* * *

 

[Image: Ursula, leaning on a rock and beaming.]

(941): I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.

* * *

 

[Image: Ariel, looking saddened.]

(706): Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".

* * *

 

[Image: The sailors from Eric's ship, dancing.]

(416): If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.

* * *

 

[Image: Eric fussing Max, while Ariel looks on with a smile.]

(647): You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word. I just listened.

* * *

 

[Image: Eric stepping up to speak to a smiling Ariel. Max clings to his shoulder.]

(603): you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker

* * *

 

[Image: Vanessa resting her head on Eric's shoulder and smirking, while he stared into the distance.]

(616): But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"

* * *

 

[Image: Ariel, looking at her foot with delight.]

(778): He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.

* * *

 

[Image: Vanessa, vaguely visible in the dark, her shell necklace glowing.]

(706): They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods

* * *

 

[Image: Eric, speaking to a sad-looking Ariel as he holds her up.]

(210): I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.

* * *

 

[Image: Ariel, posing in her sailcloth dress.]

(603): Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?

* * *

 

[Image: Ursula slumping down in frustration, hand on her forehead.]

(905): Rule #127: If youre going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.

* * *

 

[Image: Eric looking confused, as Ariel leans in with a smile.]

(662): They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.

* * *

 

[Image: Eric and Ariel dancing together.]

(909): WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN

* * *

 

[Image: Eric waking up on the beach.]

(914): Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?

* * *

 

[Image: Ariel, trying to draw back as Ursula leans in to her.]

(573): Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.

* * *

 

[Image: Ariel, poring over a book.]

(502): I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.

* * *

 

[Image: Vanessa, dancing and drawing a pin out of her hair.]

(506): yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine.... looks good on her.

* * *

 

[Image: Ariel and Eric dancing together.]

(314): shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.

* * *

 

[Image: Ariel, pulling a strand of seaweed from her hair.]

(+49): The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?

* * *

 

[Image: Ariel, slumped in a rock pool.]

(215): Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame

(267): That is a hangover

(215): I would prefer a headache

* * *

 

[Image: Ariel, gawping at her bare foot.]

(740): Are my feet made of real feet?

* * *

 

[Image: Grimsby, laughing, propping up Eric.]

(313): Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ

* * *

 

[Image: Grimsby talking to Eric, who is wincing and touching his head.]

(289): Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.

* * *

 

[Image: Eric, lying on the beach with his eyes closed, while Ariel leans over him.]

(310): if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right

* * *

 

[Image: Eric and Vanessa approaching the altar.]

(513): well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "annulment"

* * *

 

[Image: Eric bursting out of the water to cling to the side of the boat.]

(310): Hah no. But it might feel like water boarding to my soul

* * *

 

[Image: Ariel doing her hair in the mirror.]

(757): I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk

* * *

 

[Image: Eric clasping Ariel's hands, against the sunset.]

(304): You took my underwater blowjob virginity.

* * *

 

[First image: Ariel, looking shocked at her bare foot.]

(419): You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.

[Second image: Sebastian, gesturing angrily.]

(1-419): Um. I literally have no words.

* * *

 

[Image: Ariel, hiding behind Eric's statue as Triton shouts at her.]

(314): My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?

* * *

 

[Image: Ariel delightedly flicking the reins on the cart, while Eric is thrown around beside her.]

(843): I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.

[Image: Ariel, smiling and shrugging.]

(912): We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us

* * *

 

[Image: Ariel looking shocked as Ursula half-pouts at her.]

(954): damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian

* * *

[Image: Ariel, looking delighted at a fork.]

(248): Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."


	22. The Little Mermaid (1989) {Part 2/2}

[First image: Ariel, crying.]

(325): But how do I turn off the feelings though?

[Second image: Scuttle, shrugging.]

(432): Vodka.

* * *

 

[Image: Ariel, slumped in a rock pool.]

(+44): I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.

* * *

 

[Image: Vanessa, laughing into the mirror, with Ursula laughing back.]

(203): Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places

* * *

 

[Image: Ariel, looking delighted at bath bubbles.]

(717): Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?

* * *

 

[First image: Ariel clinging to the side of the ship.]

(231): of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing

[Second image: Ariel pulling herself to look over the railing.]

(231): how legible are my texts

* * *

 

[First image: Ursula, smirking.]

(518): Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant

[Second image: Triton, dramatically lit as he shouts.]

* * *

 

[Image: Ursula, lit purple by her cauldron, wagging a finger.]

(989): Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.

* * *

 

[Image: Ariel laughing with the statue of Eric.]

(504): You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.

* * *

 

[Image: Ariel, hands clasped, shrugging.]

(734): Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle

* * *

 

[Image: Ursula, steepling her fingers and smiling.]

(845): The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite

* * *

 

[Image: Ursula, twirling, as Flotsam and Jetsam twine around her.]

(360): You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.

* * *

 

[Image: Ariel dropping happily down onto her bed.]

(540): Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.

* * *

 

[Image: Ursula leading Ariel through her lair.]

(512): its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love

* * *

 

[First image: Ariel, slumping back against a pillar and crying.]

[Second image: Scuttle, shrugging.]

(204): i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuuucks

* * *

 

[Image: Ariel gesturing to her throat, while Eric looks confused.]

(540): My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.

* * *

 

[Image: Ariel leaning back against a pillar with a heavy sigh.]

(+44): I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid

* * *

 

[Image: Ariel, on the beach in her sailcloth dress, looking alarmed.]

(250): doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..

* * *

 

[First image: Ariel, leaning in and talking earnestly.]

(404): I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.

[Second image: Ursula, steepling her fingers and looking intrigued.]

* * *

 

[Image: Ariel, tugging on her hair and looking concerned.]

(815): I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?

* * *

 

[Image: Ursula, smiling.]

(971): It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food

* * *

 

[Image: Ariel, smiling, looking deeply into the camera.]

(619): I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lost of sex and know these things.

* * *

 

[First image: Ursula, smiling.]

(248): I thought it was improvement

[Second image: Ursula, slumped, head in her hand.]

but then i realised sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone

* * *

 

[First image: Grimsby talking to Eric, who is wincing and touching his head.]

(718): You got Broadway Drunk, dude, I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night"

[Second image: Grimsby, laughing, propping up Eric.]

like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.

* * *

 

[First image: Scuttle talking to an annoyed-looking Sebastian.]

(443): Do not ever get that redhead chem major high.

[Second image: Ariel, crying into her knees.]

Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.

* * *

 

[Image: Ursula, speaking.]

(714): someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.

* * *

 

[Image: Ariel, looking shocked at her own bare foot.]

(610): You feel out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "IF my foot could give you the middle finger it would."

* * *

 

[First image: The blond boy from Melody's twelfth birthday party, smiling at her.]

(202): Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break?

[Second image: Arirl bursting from the water and throwing back her hair.]

She just won the wet t=shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.

* * *

 

[First image: Ariel, grinning and leaning forwards eagerly.]

(416): I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.

[Second image: Eric, hand to his chin, eyes narrowed.]

(1-416): u know there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u

* * *

 

[First image: Eric, waking up on the beach.]

(850): hey, who tried to drive me home last night?

[Second image: Grimsby, poker-faced, lowering his pipe.]

(904): not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?

[Third image: Eric trying to sit up, and wincing.]

(850): i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.

* * *

 

[First image: Ariel, smiling as she stands up.]

(412): So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY

[Second image: Ariel falling over.]

but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.

* * *

 

[Image: Vanessa, smirking.]

(419): Want to have sex later?

[Second image: Eric, hand to his chin, eyes narrowed.]

(614): This feels like a trap

* * *

 

[Image: Eric twirling Ariel through the air.]

(515): Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.

* * *

 

[Image: Ariel, slumped in a rock pool.]

(401): also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.

* * *

 

[Image: Eric, lying on the beach with his eyes closed, while Ariel leans over him and touches his cheek.]

(630): btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts

* * *

 

[Image: Eric, lying on the beach with his eyes closed, while Ariel leans over him.]

(971): Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??

* * *

 

[[Image: Ariel and Eric in the horsedrawn carriage. Ariel grips the reins, beaming, while Eric sits on the floor and looks at her in alarm.]

(228): We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver

* * *

 

[Image: The green light of Ursula's magic drawing Ariel's voice out of her throat.]

(864): That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.

* * *

 

[Image: Melody talking to Ariel.]

(330): Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?

* * *

 

[Image: Ariel gripping the reins of the carriage and beaming, while Eric sits beside her looking as if he is about to be sick.]

(301): I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.

* * *

 

[Image: Eric, lying on the beach with his eyes closed, while Ariel leans over him.]

(859): Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency we need you to come smoke weed"

* * *

 

[Image: Eric taking Ariel into his arms as she emerges from the sea again.]

(306): I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.

(306): I'm romantic.

* * *

 

[Image: Grimsby, green, between bouts of vomiting over the stern of the ship.]

(709): He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.

* * *

 

[Image: Ariel, eyes clenched shut, signing Ursula's deal.]

(586): I feel like god wrote up a contact of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.

* * *

 

[Image: Ursula, pursing her freshly-reddened lips.]

(702): the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!

* * *

 

[Image: Ursula leading Ariel through her lair.]

(603): Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.


End file.
